Sometimes, it's nice to come back to xanga and blog about things I'd never post on a social networking sites. 
For example, I'd never post anything there about relationship issues there, since those involved would have direct access.  But here, I can write about it without much fear of the other party ever finding out.  That said, time to get to the point.  I have a friend of the opposite sex who needs to know it will never go past the friendship level.  Even when we first met, I knew it could never go beyond friends.  The truth is, I wasn't attracted to him because I really really liked him, but because I felt sorry for him, and could tell that he needed a friend (he comes from a broken home).  Another thing that bothered me was the fact that he kept waiting for me to lead him on; he always seemed so scared of me, like I was going to reject him mercilessly or something.  Besides for this, as I got to know him better as time went on, I  found that there were just too many things that would get in the way of a "something more" relationship.  For example, our life styles are too different.  I work out regularly, eat healthy, and sleep at night.  He's the exact opposite: junk food, little to no exercise, and nocturnal sleep schedule.  Another thing that turns me off is the fact that he doesn't appreciate me for who I am, what I'm interested in, what I'm doing with my life, etc.  I know this because whenever we did something together, it always had to be something he wants to do.  On the times I tried to introduce him to my interests, it was clear he wasn't didn't care for them... all that mattered was if he could relate it to himself or not.  In conversations, it always his experience vs. mine; always had to be about him.   This all may seem nit-picky, but it's reasons like these that break couples up.   I'm glad that we never called it a boy-friend-girlfriend relationship, because I know it just wouldn't work.  The thing is, I think he also knows it, but is having a hard time accepting it.    

I can't help but wonder if I'm reading too much into everything.  I can never tell... can never tell if he actually does want me to be by him or not.  Is he already sick of me?  I know I'm not perfect, but what am I lacking now?  There's always something, isn't there?  Why does this relationship seem harder and emptier than it needs to be?  I want to be encouraging to him... I know that life hasn't been too kind to him all the time, but would it really hurt him to tell me that he appreciates me as much as I appreciate him?  And if he doesn't, why does he still let me be around him? He must not realize how it's hurting... slowly.